Mid 30’s looking black female on cell phone:
Shut up!
I said shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP!
When I get home I’m gonna WHOOP your ass!
-Very loudly overheard at the University Walmart from two aisles over.
While speaking with a beautiful 70 year old woman in my office today, I couldn’t help but notice her flawless, wrinkle-free skin. “I have to ask – what skin care products do you use on your face?”
“Soap and Water” she replied dryly.
A 50+ year old male was stacking his change in piles of dimes, nickels and pennies – counting and recounting.
Me: “How much are you short?”
Change stacker: “about 30 cents.”
I had some change in my pocket, and gave him two quarters.
Change stacker with a big grin and (now noticing) blood shot eyes shakes my hand, asks my name and says “I don’t know you from Adam, but if I ever meet you again I’ll repay the favor. You give me faith in humanity.”
I doubt he’ll remember me…
- Overheard at Campustown Liquors.
Clerk at Borders: “Can I help you find anything?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for this author, but I can’t think of his name.”
Clerk: “Can you name any of his books?”
Customer: “Yeah. ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep‘ is one …”
Clerk: “Dick.”
Customer: “Excuse me?”
A mid 30’s gay black man with a beard wearing a woman’s dress to a young kid sitting on a porch: “Go git yo mutha, boy.”
-Overheard at the intersection of Columbia Terrace & North St.
Co-worker: “What are you having for lunch?”
Me: “Beef and Noodles from Haddads.”
Co-Worker: “That’s a lot like what I had for dinner last night.”
Me: “You had beef and noodles for dinner?”
Co-Worker: “Yeah – [my wife] heated up our leftover beef stew and put it over white bread with carrots and gravy.”
Me: “Any noodles?”
Co-Worker: “No.”
Me: “So it is similar because I have beef with egg noodles and you had left-over stew with carrots on top of white bread?”
D150 School Board Member: I read fluent typo.
Me: You and my blog will get along just fine then.
A co-worker after getting off the phone with a customer: “I tell so many lies here I can’t even tell when I’m lying.”
Girl: “I could really use a good lay right now.”
Guy (standing in the river): “You want me to wipe the river off my dick first?”
-Overheard at Par-A-Dice beach.
Employee: Let’s just say she has a finite skill set.
- Overheard in the conference room